Weekend Weather Woes???

What do you do when the weather fails to cooperate?  Welcome to another Monday after a wild and wooly weekend.  We’ve seen a roller coaster mercury ride (I know mercury is no longer used in most thermometers). Yesterday I shoveled snow and ice; the threatened rain that was supposed to kill the day turned into sunshine and thaw.  Listening to melting snow running like a stream towards the culverts I smiled.  Sounds of running water outside the confines of heated spaces is a wonderful harbinger of Spring. Rivulets of melt converged to form streams, guided by impressions of tire treads in the accumulation.  A few moments of imagining floating on a lazy river in a canoe sharing company with the love of my life (wherever she may be) took me away from winter’s grip.

The latest gift to the region may have thrown the weekend plans an unwelcome reception.  Did you survive?  Did caution frustrate you or did you take the high road, use discretion, lower your exposure?  Or were you intrepid – throwing caution to the wind? Make sure the wind is at you back.  The last time I threw caution to the wind it didn’t go very far.  Whatever you did I hope it was rewarding.

Saturday was thrift shopping in the teeth of the storm.  There’s something peaceful about a snowfall (accompanied by less crowded venues except supermarkets).  Have you stood amidst the falling frozen flakes and listened?  Did you feel the calm; the Earth seeming to take a breather from its routine?  Pristine is how I explain it.  The newness of freshly fallen snow (before the melting agents and road grime turn it a murky gray) makes life stop, if only for a moment.

Do you hit the brakes on life?  Do you give yourself the opportunity to absorb a moment or more without distraction?  Reality can create an “ah ha” moment if you are open to the possibility.

Engage your senses, all of them.  Don’t be “nose blind” or “ear blind” or most importantly, don’t be “eye blind”.  We’ve taken to using quaint and silly terminology to describe degradation of sensory acuity.  Don’t allow your senses to dull or your heart to harden.  Life can be pleasurable if you jettison the chaff, flack and other distractions coming between you and unadulterated enjoyment.

We don't need snack foods and distilled products to enable enjoyment. There’s nothing wrong with imbibing from time to time.  Keep your senses and emotions keen.  They will serve you better.  Exercise is not restricted to muscle tissue only.

Take a deep breath.  Stand still for a moment and listen.  Open your eyes wide and look around.  Make a mental note of what you see, hear and smell.  If you find this enlightening, make it a regular occurrence.

Have a wonderful day.

Love and hugs, Nikki Nicole DeCaro

Fearless Friday my Feminine Friends.  Yes a day can be fearless and so can you.  You can live with the absence of fear, living fearlessly or you can live controlling fear rather than fearing control or fear controlling you.

Fear is an emotion.  We all have them; fear and emotions.  It reconciles that if you have fear you have emotions.  One of the goals is to manage emotions.  Having emotions running amok serves no purpose except for the manufacturers and distributors of medications to combat the rampant rollicking.    

Now that we’ve settled on your ability to overcome the manageable, you can focus on enjoying.  No, enjoyment is not something you should fret about.  There’s nothing wrong with being happy, expressing happiness, spraying it all over the landscape.  What the hey, people are shameless about spraying hormones all over in an effort to overstate supremacy.  Why should we feel obliged to control ourselves when that obligation is not shared by others?

Your happiness is primarily dependent upon you.  If your outlook is good your inlook is probably stellar.  Never heard of the term “inlook”?  There’s a first time for everything and this is the first time, and I hope not the last time for an “inlook”.

If you focus within and all of the lights are green, what color will your rainbow be?  “Are we now talking about something different?”

No, your rainbow is not limited to the colors that Captain Noah sang about.  You can add iridescent colors, pastels, garish colors, stripes, plaids and polka dots.  Go ahead let’s see your combination.  I’ll bet it’s unique.

If your inlook colors are displaying caution or reluctance the chances are your rainbow will not be bright.  In fact, your rainbow may be out of service.  That would be sad.

Dial up the enhancements.  Improve your inlook making the pathway to your outlook stellar.  Dazzle us with your brilliance, you can generate enough current to power whatever wattage you desire.  Believe and you will do.  Once you pass the point of return on the belief scale it will be more and more difficult to unbelieve.  That’s when you know you’ve accomplished something great.  Inlook synchronized with outlook, wattage output married with consumption requirements.  Congeniality driven by inner peace.

Let’s make today the beginning of something wonderful.  If you are already wonderful try for more wonderful.  Be wonderful to overflowing.  Let it pour out of you in like a fountain.

Have a wonderful day and an even more wonderful weekend.

Love and hugs, Nikki Nicole DeCaro 

Nostalgia

“The halftime air was sweet perfume as sergeants played a marching tune.  We all got up to dance, oh, but we never got the chance.”  American Pie is an interesting song.  If you want nostalgia, investigate the meaning behind the lyrics.  It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized each reference was a metaphor for an occurrence in the music industry.  If you didn’t know, “The day the music died” refers to the death of Buddy Holly.  There are other references that I don’t recall but were interesting.  And you know inquiring feminine minds want to know!

What is your Thursday focus?  Will you be a laser or a shotgun?  Don’t like the lethality of that question? How about throw a stone or a handful of pebbles?  Still too violent?  What about picking up one sheet of paper from your desk or an entire pile?  There is that better?

Nostalgia can engender warmth or promote anxiety.  “Memories, pressed between the pages of my mind.” There I go quoting music lyrics.  Some of the lyrics make me melancholy while others make me happy.  Do you have similar outcomes?  Do song lyrics and the accompanying melody drive you to distraction or do they energize you?  Sometimes I change the station or forward to the next song; overwhelmed by something in my past that doesn’t promote well-being.   I’m sure we’ve all been on the brink of the precipice as we run to escape the persistent regret.  Do you have regrets?  Does a throwback make you less comfortable?  Do you fail the sanguine test?

Set up your mental and emotional filing systems to segregate the pain from the pleasure – unless of course pain is your pleasure.

How you organize your thoughts is your business.  If you organize in a healthy way you will enjoy positivity and fill your cup with accomplishments.  After all is said and done, what is it we have besides fond memories; the accumulation of a lifetime of effort.

I’ve said it before but the phrase is worth repeating: “Look back to learn not to yearn.”

Have a thoughtful Thursday and remember, it’s always Friday somewhere even if that somewhere is a virtual place you create, filled with happy and fulfilling memories.

Love and hugs, Nikki Nicole DeCaro 

Weak or Strong

How do you classify yourself?  Are you weak or strong?  Based on what information do you draw that conclusion?  Why do I ask and why do I care? We’re weak at times and strong at others.  This isn’t about momentary bouts of weakness or gender- assigned weaknesses.  This is about portrayal and perception and how we either encourage or discourage portrayals and perceptions.

Let’s consider terms that are applied to cross dressers and transgenders that are less than flattering.  In fact certain terms, handles, descriptors and monikers can be down right insulting.  I know that I may be treading upon thin ice with this post but I’m going to venture out onto the frozen lake and chance that the ice will hold my weight.

The term “sissy” seems to be a mainstay, a standard menu item, a moniker that has adhered itself to our type.  Webster defines “sissy” as: a) an effeminate boy or man; b) a timid or cowardly person or c) a little girl.  Based on the definition, definitions may be overrated, are we weak? I will say that it’s not consonant to be accused of weakness when we are strong enough to admit who we are and to practice who we are whether on a regular or occasional basis.

Am I wrong? I know many of you.  You are strong and your strength defines your character. In fact, your strength makes those around you stronger.  We leverage strength and fortitude for our collective benefit.  So why use a derogatory term to describe yourself when by your actions such term could not be farther from the truth?

To take this full circle we can agree that in another context “Sissy” is a name.  We all know at least one famous actress with that given name.  It is also a fleshed out version of “Sis”.

Look, we all have “sissy” moments. I experienced them approximately a year ago when I vacillated about whether to come out or continue to hide.  Yes I was a “sissy” then.  I will premise that since coming out, braving the turbulence of being in public enables me to forget those “sissy” moments.  I don’t consider myself one of those who fears unjustifiably. Every one of us who braved the societal elements to be who we are, to disregard the pitfalls of cross dressing are no more sissies than a chicken is a rooster.

Yes, I understand that the “sissy” thing is tied to erotic fantasies and submissiveness.  I do worry (maybe worry is a strong word) that we paint ourselves with unflattering graffiti and place ourselves low on the totem pole, last in the pecking order – classifying ourselves as something below other humans.  I’m not trying to tell you what to do.  This is your life as certainly as day follows night.  I’m expressing an opinion about perception and reality.

By putting ourselves in a compromising position we risk being permanently labeled in a way that does not benefit us, any of us.  You are beginning to sense where this is going. What we do, how we act, what we say, impacts not only you but all of us. Adversity comes from many directions and it arrives sometimes unexpectedly.  I’d suggest that we not encourage it to come around or to stick around any longer than necessary.  And I would dissuade anyone from inviting adversity to share your life – be careful what you wish for, you just might get it!

Take my words for what they are worth.  Maybe I’m stirring the pot.  The pot needs stirring from time to time. If my words engender a snippet of reflection then the expenditure of cyber ink was worth the effort.

Opportunities

Opportunities come and go.  Unutilized they wither and die.  Happy pump day!  Another chance to open your smile and let it shine.  You thought Wednesday was about shoes with heels? I think you’re playing games.  I know you know that I know that you know…. Let’s not take that any further… Everyday is whatever you want it to be; whatever you make it.

Sure, it’s easier said than done; or is it finished?  I guess it’s not finished until it’s done.

Once you’ve decided to do something do you follow through? Or do you hem and haw (not sure how to haw but I once was pretty good at hemming)?  Uncertainty, equivocation, second-guessing and [insert the number] guessing can tear at even the most stout of countenances.

When opportunity knocks do you ignore hoping it goes away and leaves you alone? “I’m busy, come back later!” You think, or if you are brash you say it out loud.  Another knock, this one more urgent and you tense up.  Maybe it's a salesperson hawking those damned magazines.  I’ve got a bookshelf full of them and I don’t even like them.

When the knock comes the third time you may be drawn like a bee to honey. Do you answer the door in a housecoat and curlers?  Suppose it’s the person of your dreams?  Will you be ready for the unexpected?

“How can I be prepared for the unexpected?  Why can’t I be prepared for the expected?”  That was a rhetorical question right?

Preparedness comes in many forms.  In the prior example you could be polished on the outside but tarnished on the inside.  “What does that mean?” Physically ready but not emotionally prepared. Ever encounter that juxtaposition?

I know, I know.  Some of us wait a lifetime for the exact opportunity that fits the missing puzzle piece in the picture that is our life.

I’m as guilty as the next person for wanting perfection.  My missing piece has two innies and two outies.  I’m usually finding a one and two combination but the two and two combination hasn’t shown up yet.  I’m not promoting the employment of a three pound sledgehammer to force the piece to fit.

Does that mean I give up?  Do I throw in the towel, surrender?  Do I allow myself to back slide?  Am I weaker because another day scurried by without so much as a glance in my direction?

Life can be frustrating.  It can leave you high and dry, or low and wet.  I guess it depends where you are. 

There’s an interesting anecdote about picking up the pieces.  If you never drop them; if you bolster a weakness; apply glue to a fissure, you’ll never have to collect what never scattered.  Don’t allow your countenance to be the consistency of fine china. If you feel fragile place a coat of clear plastic to reinforce. The likelihood you will withstand and ensure is much greater than if you ignore the part of you that yearns for attention.  You’ve got to love yourself enough to feel the confidence.  It’s too easy to love the person you want to be more than to love the person you are.  Remember my imploring you to enjoy the journey?  The destination is just the destination if you have no memory of how you arrived.

Go ahead, put the makeup on.  Slip into something sexy and alluring.  Step into heels that complement your ensemble.  Just for kicks apply ruby red lip-gloss.  I’ll bet the next sound you hear will be the doorbell and it won’t be Avon calling unless you are expecting a delivery.

Put the message to the universe.  Communicate what you want then be ready and open when your delivery arrives.

Have an amazingly rewarding day.

Love and hugs, Nikki Nicole DeCaro

What's in Your wallet

What’s in your wallet?  You’ve heard that question asked.  What if you don’t have a wallet?  What if you have a purse and better yet a designer handbag?  Does anybody care what’s in your handbag?  I guess it does not have that familiar ring, “What’s in your purse” doesn’t sound so “DUH” does it?  Where am I going with this?  Nowhere really.  I thought I would raise it to see if we can get Capital One to give us equal time.  What I really came to say (No not figuratively but literally) is “Why would anyone want to make a list of buckets?”

“Buckets” yes “Buckets”.  You’ve heard the question “What’s on your bucket list?” Sounds like Capital One in disguise.  Well after concluding that Capital One is not female friendly, I decided to tackle this new conundrum – bucket lists.  After all, any person of any gender can have buckets.

I started a list and here is a cross-section of it: paint bucket – one for each color, water bucket, salt bucket (for these pesky icy mornings) feed bucket (if you’re into horses – oh come on get your mind out of the gutter), slop bucket (that brings back memories of pre-garbage disposal days), tar bucket, etc. The list became quite long.  I pondered it for a long while, added a few more items and then tried to study it.  Studying was never my strong suit.  Come to think of it I never wore suits, the jackets don’t complement my body.

Back to the buckets; what’s in your bucket?  Is there a Capital One card in there?  You might want to remove it before you use the bucket to carry paint.  I’ve tried to use a credit card after I got paint on it.  The credit card reader refused to read the card – how rude!  When I called the credit card company they could not figure out why the card didn’t work.  They probably don’t have bucket lists since the friendly customer service representative never broached the topic of paint or buckets.  So bucket lists must not be as prevalent as everyone wants us to believe.

You are probably already digging through your desk drawer, trolling your computer, checking your handbag and looking under the mattress for that list.  I’d be interested in how many buckets there are on your list.  I think I’m going to take my list to the Ace because that’s the place with the helpful hardware folks (they changed their slogan from ‘helpful hardware man” to ‘helpful hardware folks” – so very quaint… and appropriate).  I want to see how helpful they really are.  I’ll bet they don’t ask me “what’s in your wallet”.  I know they can help me add to my bucket list. I want to keep that list growing.  Maybe I’ll figure out why a list of buckets is so important.  

I hope you have many buckets on your list and they are all filled to overflowing with love, joy and happiness.

It’s Wednesday and that means “Pumps Day”.  As I was flitting to the train station a curious thought invaded my otherwise uncluttered mind.  Every day should be a celebration of something, right? If we don’t celebrate an event, a happening or something noteworthy, then to what end do we inhabit this mortal coil for these 23 hours and fifty-six minutes today? In other words, what do we leave behind?  “Behind what?” You ask.  In our wake, when we are no longer gracing a certain place with our beauty.  Do we leave fond memories? Do we leave the human remainder with longing for our presence or something to hold on to that reminds them of us?

The question grows longer tentacles as I ponder the next life.  Standing atop this week’s hump in my four-inch heels, I look around and notice no visible evidence of the path I’ve taken.  I’ve traversed this third rock for more than half a century (did I write that without flinching?).  Have I made a difference in the life of at least one person?  Will I make a difference today?  Will my journey be for naught? 

Does any of this resonate with you? Do you contemplate this or is my hot air balloon filled with something other than helium?

I trust you will respond with your thoughts, feelings, maybe a remedy for whatever ailment has caused me to become reflective.  Seriously, we enter and exit lives everyday.  Is there evidence of our being there; remnants, remainders, precipitate of the best kind that glows with our essence?

“Why are you focusing on this Nikki?”  Making a difference is important for many reasons. We live to be relevant.  Who wants to meander through life a ghost, stealthy, unobserved, unimpactful?  I dare say none of us want or expect that.

Take a look around.  See the influence of your life. Feel the heft of importance – Remember George Bailey’s story; it is relevant every minute of every day.

I hope I have given you a reason to smile, to feel important, to encounter relevance, to know someone appreciates you.

Go forth, lower your deflector shields and allow the rays of your inner being to shine within your sphere of influence.

Love and hugs, Nikki Nicole DeCaro