This is Me - Is it You?

I met a girl I thought I knew before

She was standing, waiting at my door

I heard her breathe

I heard her knock but only once

I ignored her, hoping she would go away

She wasn’t what I wanted

Or what I needed

No not nearly enough to satisfy

I met a girl I thought I knew before

She was standing, waiting at my door

I heard her breathe

I heard her knock but only once

I went about my business as if she didn’t exist

Another day in the life surrounded by mist

After years of searching wishing and hoping

Imagining myself in the body of another

I discovered the girl still waiting but older

The person I always was and always will be

Longing and yearning, pining and sobbing

I opened the door and walked into my life

I embraced myself and the healing began

It finally came, it was there all the time

My life finally makes sense

Let living commence

If only I knew, if only I knew

I would not have wasted all that time. 

The Long Term Solution

It’s that time again; pretenders throwing their hat and hand into the political fire pit that is the run up to the presidential primaries.  I catch snippets of the news across multiple channels in the morning while I ingest the first nourishment of the day.  Watching with interest bordering on amusement I absorb the sound bytes that attempt to catch the attention of anyone who is within earshot.

There seem to be as many candidates as birds in the sky.  There are many ways to interpret the expansive field – there is no strong frontrunner giving many who would not venture forth the fortitude to participate.  This could be a harbinger to multiple quality choices.  I’m not passing judgment – far be it for me to be astute enough to know which candidate will be consistent and bulletproof and if elected will deliver on the promises made with sincerity and engaging look and feel.

I mentioned ‘amusement’ in the opening paragraph.  I sense a carnival atmosphere as the same issues are raised in the same venues to the same constituencies, like a “B” movie script being repeated over and over again.  Research and analysis indicates that presidents don’t have the breadth of influence they profess.  Elections are won and lost on popularity, not necessarily on the candidate’s qualifications.

I’m not a dyed in wool Keynesian groupie but I will tell you that my professional affiliations and the populations on which my organization focuses reflects back a burgeoning problem that threatens to become intractable.  The crumbling family unit – children born into single parent homes and mothers barely through the hormonal turnstile of puberty actively participating in world populating activities.  This is not new or an isolated phenomenon.  This has been a growing problem for a generation.  If we don’t engage these young people before they make a life-altering decision we will be forced to continue to suffer the consequences. These generational problems are not solved by good intentions or in short time windows.  And they certainly are not solved by slogans and admonitions.  Practical education, positive adult influences and guidance that reach them where they live are critical.  Let’s fund more of these programs and less of the entitlement programs that incentivize people to be sedentary.

Deep-rooted problems need concentrated and enduring antidotes.  All the devils and demons that candidates skewer in public statements are mostly symptoms, not always problems.  Maybe instead of vilifying and public hangings in effigy, a viable candidate could cultivate public – private partnerships / alliances to begin to address these problems.  We dump countless and precious tax dollars into programs that are not evaluated or measured.  I’m not talking about instantaneous solutions. I’m talking steady progress towards attainable goals that all sides agree are worth pursuing for the long-term and adjusting as we gather intelligence.

Regardless of the minority who may be perceived as having no drive or determination, most people in less than ideal situations want to be shown the way to improving their lot.  Big business, always the scapegoat (and sometimes rightfully so) has the “bread” to feed the masses.  Public – private partnerships to provide entry-level opportunities to the unskilled and the forgotten may be the elixir that will address many of this nation’s ills.  Let’s give them the opportunity to build self-worth.  I don’t know any people who promulgates “I’m a lazy lump and damn proud of it”.

Be thoughtful about these politicos.  Can they be as persuasive with their legislative counterparts as they are with the general public?  That’s where the rubber meets the road – where negotiations are either successful or contentious and stalemated. We have an opportunity to initiate a solution. Each and every vote counts.  I hope for our sake and the future of this nation we can find a candidate who can marshal the resources and rally the constituencies to address the root cause not treat the symptoms with topical (read temporary) solutions.

Have a thoughtful day.

Love and hugs, Nikki DeCaro

It's All About Soul

“Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na it’s all about soul.”  The quoted language derives from the song It’s All About Soul performed by Billy Joel.  I’m spinning it in our direction.  It’s all about soul and the strength to overcome the barriers. “She waits for me at night.  She waits for me in silence. She gives me all her kindness.  So fare she hasn’t run. Although I swear she’s had her moments. She still believes in miracles.”

“It’s all about faith and deeper devotion… She’s got to be strong ‘cause so many things get out of control.”

“There are people who have lost every trace of human kindness.  There are many who have fallen.  There are some who still survive… She comes to me at night. She tell me her desires.  She gives me all the love I need to keep my faith alive.”

Corollaries abound, meanings assume duality – the obvious and the subtle.  We toughen as we become more deeply steeped in our true gender whether male to female or female to male.  Quaint sayings like “anything worth having is worth working for” ring hollow.  True dat.  But there is plenty of distance between here and there.  I have my emotional ups and downs.  I try to confine the downs to private times.  The up times don’t give the downs opportunity to ruin the mood.  Positivity does yield to the dark side enough to weaken the down side’s push for center stage.  Down times aren’t always bad.  Emptying the emotional reservoir can be therapeutic.  Tears can wash away pain and anxiety.  Tell me you haven’t cried and I’ll suggest to allow your inner spring to unwind before it pops.

Sometimes we lose empathy, human kindness frittered away like so many grains of sand in the hourglass of life.  We’ve got to capture those grains.  They are seeds that need to be planted, nurtured and watered with words and actions.  We can’t afford to harden our heart.  A hard heart becomes our Bastille.  Do you want to imprison yourself – self-inflicted wounds hurt the most.  We should protect ourselves by not allowing others to adversely impact the way we perceive things. 

I’m not preaching.  I’m professing and confessing my lapses and sharing my feelings as a result of those failings.  Call this blog my confessional.  Write it, read it and correct as appropriate.  Course corrections are constant.  There’s no such thing as autopilot in life unless you want to delegate outcomes to others.  Your life, your call.

I hope my words cause you to reflect – circumspection.  May you find wisdom somewhere in these missives.  Tell me if you find value in these posts.  It’s important to know I can touch you and help you navigate – to encourage you from the eddy and cautiously into the main body of life.

Have a wonderful day.

Love and hugs, Nikki DeCaro 

Laws and Practical Applications

Laws and practical application don’t converge.  When laws are crafted they are not crafted with the singular intention of being enforced.  Don’t be lulled into a false sense that the law will protect you.  Don’t believe me?  How’s the Affordable Care Act for an example?  We’re at least a decade and maybe three away from full implementation and compliance. And oh by the way the major groups that are most affected by the law are ignoring their obligations.  Only when there is a real and indefeasible threat of severe financial penalty will they attempt to comply.

Laws state in black and white the rights conveyed and the protections afforded.  There’s a long distance between the legislature and the judiciary. And truth be told if the populace decides to selectively follow a law your rights and protections are subordinated to the masses.  Look, people don’t think obvious laws don’t apply to them or only apply in selected situations.  “I’m in a hurry so I’ll run this red light or skip a few stop signs.  If nobody catches me I can’t be doing anything wrong.”

What about bathroom privileges?  We may have laws that state we have the right to utilize the facility that aligns with our gender identification.  Some places respect it, others turn a blind eye (utilize at your risk), while others defer to the almighty dollar; concerned that patrons won’t understand and may choose to drop coin in another establishment.

The line is clear; at least in the law.  But people ain’t the law and the law ain’t people.  It takes a brave person to flaunt public opinion.  If you can pull it off, wonderful.  If not do you pursue legal remedies?  That involves time and money and may be preceded by emotional and possibly physical discomfort.

Yes I know if there isn’t a leader there will be no followers.  I’m not advocating for either position.  I’m also not a rabble rouser – at least not all the time. I would never suggest you do something I would not do ahead of you. I’m a victim as are others who are attempting to circumvent the uncompassionate.  Maybe I’m too expedient.  I suggest cautious and measured thought process.  My response might be different if I was full-time and everyone of consequence in my life knew.  I would be less hesitant to allow others to countermand my affirmed rights.

Maybe we should put a few establishments out of business – those who don’t support our rights.  Win the battle but lose the war.  Gain the hill but lose popular support. I’m trying to figure the net benefit.  I’m not smart enough to know the right answer.  Maybe my absolute crossover point is a plumbing change or the twelve-month period preceding surgery. 

These are trying times.  The course of action changing based upon the terrain and the attitude of the indigenous population.

Proceed cautiously.  Try to make more friends than enemies.

Love and hugs, Nikki DeCaro

Parity and the Mamarazzi

Listening to Lady Gaga sing Paparazzi, the song has a great beat but I wonder if she considers chasing the opportunistic photographer as turnabout.  And we all know turnabout is fair play.

You know I’m going to ask, so why prolong the suspense.  Is Paparazzi unisex or should we differentiate between male and female by establishing the label Mamarazzi?  As women, we want equal time.  The more we can level the playing field the easier it’s going to be for us to achieve parity.

Parity is the buzzword in our Nation’s Capitol and should resonate and radiate to every corner of the globe.  Parity should not be confined to health insurance.  Parity should touch every corner of life.  So let’s begin (or continue, as the case may be) to establish gender parity.  Forget about gender equality.  We know where that ended up.

Nobody measures equality.  Maybe a more accurate depiction is there are different measurement techniques to determine equality.  We hear the spin “Look how far we’ve come!”  As if we should be grateful for the scraps from the table of those who have anointed themselves as arbiters of things that materially impact our lives.

Let’s take what we can get and begin to stack them as building blocks.  We should hungrily expect to build upon the foundation.  Lets’ not permit the foundation to crumble and accept patchwork and periodic repairs to satiate our desire to maintain momentum.  We can’t let spin replace action, activity masking indecision or failure to deliver.

Accountability starts at the grass roots level.  We can’t abdicate the responsibility to legislators and the judiciary.  Their priorities will not intersect with ours unless we prove worthy of decisive action that is sustainable.

Finding fault is a weak surrogate for inaction.  Every problem should germinate an opportunity.  For each upon which we capitalize, the thread of parity adds another strand.  We can begin to pull those threads to unite seemingly disparate successes creating a patchwork.  We can be the bonding agent between these successes.

Let’s work together, pull together, stand on common ground and utilize our combined strength to disable inertia.

These are lofty goals driven by ideals.  More has been accomplished with fewer conjoined resources.  We hail those who proclaim “This is a woman’s world” and “I am strong, I am invincible, I am woman”.  They are pioneers.  It’s up to us to ensure their words are not hollow.

Enjoy your week.  Make progress.  The capability is in you; it’s part of your genetic map.   Waste not, want not.  Find a role model and allow them to uplift and encourage.  I have confidence in me (no it’s not overexpressed, it’s consistent) and I have supreme confidence in you, my sisters.

Love and hugs, Nikki DeCaro

Switches, Silence and Giving Thanks

Should people have directional signals?  As if it would matter, you think.  I get it.  Can’t get people to use turn signals while hurtling down macadam or concrete highways and byways in multi-thousand pound combinations of steel, aluminum, glass and plastic, why would I expect people to indicate direction changes or sudden movements when walking in crowded areas where sudden movements could cause a collision?  Okay that won’t work.  Forget I offered such foolishness.

What about on and off, but mostly off, switches? 

“Okay Nikki, you’re getting dangerously close to contempt of blog with this line of questioning.”

Well, what about the concept of an “off switch”?

“Objection; she’s badgering the reader.”

“They her readers!”

I don’t think remote “off switches” would be objectionable.  You have to utilize discretion when engaging one and only a limited number of times in a twenty-four hour period.

“If you insist on pursuing this line of questioning I want to know why.”

If you want to experience my pain I’m happy to share.  I had one of those weeks; high-pressure meetings that included temper tantrums thrown liberally by people (yes adult people) who should know better.  Throwing objectivity under the fleet of subjectivity busses, they persisted to inflate the flea into a room-filling elephant.  As I brandished a needle and burst one another was inflated.  After an hour I wished for a “meeting off switch”.

Another keen idea would be to sell word quotas prior to the start of a meeting.  Not to dissuade meeting attendance, every meeting invitee is allocated a base number of words.  They can purchase an identical quantity of words five minutes prior to meeting commencement. Can you imagine people’s expressions when their word quota decrements to zero?  Lips moving with no sound.  Frantic, they petition to purchase more words.  Ah, but the cost of incremental words is high, almost exorbitant!  A new control mechanism; just what the meeting organizer ordered!  Oh lest we forget, unused words expire at the end of the meeting.  No roll over words (sorry AT&T). And purchased word quotas can be utilized only during the meeting window, ensuring the meeting begins and ends on time.

Now to determine how to develop and implement.  This will be a billion dollar business!

Yes I know, there is fantasy and then there is reality, banal as it may be.  Let’s get back to the meeting.  Take heart, silver linings do exist.  After vitriol was sprayed liberally over my team but mostly directed at yours truly, I reconvened the kiddies later the same day and found the mood to be more mature.  Hope springs eternal even in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds.

I wish for the odds to be stacked in your favor this weekend and for you to enjoy every moment of the glorious holiday when we remember those who have sacrificed their future so that we may have one.  Some legacies fade.  Let’s not permit the legacy of freedom to go unrecognized.  We owe a debt to those who have gone before, sacrificing life and limb; brave men and women who gave voluntarily and humbly.  No greater gift can be offered than to lay down your life for another. Let us honor them through thankful gestures and respectful actions. Thank you for your service!

Love and hugs, Nikki DeCaro