Voice Recognition

There’s no denying the inevitable, right?  I know you agree.  Even if you don’t the inevitable will intrude upon you as if welcomed with open arms.  You can run but you can’t hide.  You know it’s true no matter how virulently you refuse.

“Are you trying to pour acid on my parade?”

No, I’m not trying to ruin whatever you are enjoying.  I have been charged with reminding you of the obvious.  There’s no need to thank me.  Reading the posts is thanks enough.  Okay let’s shed the frivolity and move to more germane topics such as voice recognition.

Before you ask, permit me to assure you this is not a technology column (or row for that matter if you are into spreadsheets).  Voice recognition hits close to home for those of us who venture into public venues.  In order to dispel rumors, this girl gets out to straight places – Hello!  Why wouldn’t I?  There’s no better practice than living life.

Back to voice recognition.  Even for those or us who pass as well as most CIS girls, the bugaboo is the voice.  Only a select few have the voice to match the body, the sachet, the non-verbal gestures, etc.  Others of us need to work with professionals to identify the voice that fits us comfortably while living within the safe limits of vocal chord range.  If you are using unproven methods for voice adjustment be careful not to damage those purveyors of sound.

“How do you know it’s the voice that gives you away?” 

Excellent question. I’ve been the happy recipient of plenty of “ma’am” references, addressed as “miss” and smiles and warm advice on clothing while shopping in malls, boutiques, free standing pad sites, thrift stores, etc.  I’ve been engaged by CIS women of all ages in casual conversation without a hint of suspicion.  My voice can be passable but not consistently.  I know it has betrayed me on occasion.

Why?  Because I’ve seen the reaction, verbal as well as non-verbal.  I may be ditsy but I’m not dead!

Anyway, thanks a to dear friend and awesome girlfriend I have the privilege of participating in a transgender speech therapy course.  I completed the second evaluation today and received good news that I qualified, YAY!!!  I have my first  homework assignment; to train the vocal chords without damaging them.  The therapist is a sweetheart; welcoming and supportive.  I am looking forward to learning, practicing and learning more. This is the last threshold for my going full-time once I disclose to my youngest boy.  Regardless of the outcome (I believe he will accept because he is loving, understanding and more empathetic than any male has the right to be) I am in the passing lane.

Right… no left.  Never pass on the right unless the left lane is occupied by someone making “the eventual left”.  I’m passing mile markers and slow moving vehicles that cast a momentary shadow across my path.  This too shall pass.  No wait, I’ll pass them!  See I told you I was ditsy!

Have a wonderful day.

Love and hugs, Nikki DiCaro 

Hairpin Turns in Life's Road

How do you count accomplishments?  Are they measured in grains, ounces, pounds, liters or kilograms?  No, this isn’t a lesson in metric versus US unit measures.  It is a sanity check to understand expectations and where we see things daily.

From my perspective, as if I’d have the perspective of another person, there is no right or wrong answer to the measurement question.  There is an accomplishment in everything I do.  I don’t compare the depth, breadth or girth of accomplishments.  I attempt to build upon each so that the accumulation of these satisfaction generators gives me reason to be hopeful every day.  I’m no Polly Anna but I do know that sustaining momentum requires a delicate balance between expectations and reality.

Yes, reality can be frustrating, confounding and flummoxing.  You might feel terra firma softening or moving ever so slightly as happenstance attempts to disrupt your energy.  You don’t have to succumb.  You can overcome.

I’m not telling you I never feel the urge to allow the world to get ahead of me.  I will tell you that I am high speed, low drag.  That’s a term coined by crisis management groups.  I’ll borrow it and return it hopefully brighter and more burnished than when I accepted temporary possession.

Case in point, today was one of those attempts at life to place a hairpin curve in my road.  A long-time employee and wonderful person departed this life, shedding her mortal coil leaving a hole in my life.  The woman was genuine, loving and caring.  I will miss her as will the multitude of people whose lives she touched.  I will grieve; in fact already shed the first round of tears.  There will be more.  But I will not be derailed.  Her memory will live vividly in me as I continue to direct company operations for as long as I am able.  She had unequivocal opinions about how to improve things.  I took her insights to heart.  I’m glad I did.

We all have one or more of these model citizens we are honored and humbled to know.  Have you told that person how you feel?  Can you divulge the feelings or are you restrained by convention or some other artificial barrier?  Do yourself a favor and convey feelings.  You will appreciate the joy you impart and the recipient will smile from the heart as he or she thanks you probably blushing in the process.

When I told this dear lady how much I appreciated her contribution, in typical style she shrugged off the compliment as if it didn't apply to her.  She could have dialed back the humility but that would have been disingenuous.

Enjoy the benefits of life lived to a slightly different rhythm.  Cherish those who have touched you indelibly.  It’s one of the wonders of humanity.

Love and hugs, Nikki DiCaro

Same Operating System, Different Box

Weekends are for rejuvenating, recharging, reengaging and rejoicing and all the other “re” words that express gratitude and rejoicing over wonderfully warm and welcoming friends and loved ones. I’ve expressed feelings that run the gamut, more upbeat and lighthearted lately.  It’s taken years to come to grips with who I am and why I am.  I’m not sure whether the “why” is more important than the “who”.

I know who I am once I realized the “who” didn’t occur overnight or during the past three years of my rebirth.  No, the “who” occurred when I was born.  Yes, born in the wrong box, similar to a Windows operating system in a Mac shell.  The analogy could easily be flipped around.

I don’t regard my birth gender as the original me that drives the new me.  No, I won’t forget from whence I came but I have no interest in regurgitating that part of my life.  I made my peace with what that part of my life yielded including offspring and failures.  Both were plentiful and at times frustrating.  I am thankful that I could advance to this stage in my development under the cover of the male protective umbrella. 

I’ve been told by former love interests that I’m cheating Mother Nature because I’m not experiencing all of the pains that femininity delivers.  One of my formers labeled it “God’s little joke” meaning hot flashes and sagging body parts that were once alluring and eye-catching.

Well I’ve turned that comment around and replied “what would you call this thing I had to endure for the majority of my life”?  I’m not making any religious statements.  I capitalized the name of the deity in deference to convention. I’m not insinuating that God plays jokes on his /her creation (whom ever you consider your higher being).

It is what it is. You can’t turn back the clock or call “redo”; although most of us might consider that something wonderfully attractive.  But there is a price to pay for everything.  Nothing in life is free.  If you think so; then you don’t think consequences are a result of decisions or lack thereof.

So onward and upward we go.  There’s every reason to look ahead.  The road is clear and the sky bright with only passing wispy clouds.  I refuse to fear the future for the past has girded me for whatever lies ahead.

I hope you will turn your lips into a broad smile; absorb all the good in the air.  Open yourself to the greatness of life.

Love and hugs, Nikki DiCaro

Wolf Whistles and Wardrobes

Leaving the office today I was amazed at the activity in and around the center city area.  I’ve heard a dignitary and celebrity rock star in flowing white robes is coming to town.  That description sounds like it came from the lips of Carl Spangler.  Not true in this instance.  The reference relates to another religious luminary from Western Europe.

No this is not an update on progress of preparations nor is it meant to disparage the Keystone State portion of the tour.  I am concerned over the twelve million dollar price tag for the two-day event.  This does not take into account the lost productivity due to the multitude of businesses forced to shutter operations, including mine, beginning Friday and probably spilling into Monday.  Can you say “Yikes”?  Don’t we have homeless and destitute personages in this community?  Right and tee shirts with the papal visage will command upwards of thirty dollars.  Free enterprise reigns.  Where is P.T. Barnum when we need him?

Okay on to more mundane things like fall weather and wardrobe changes.  I’m thrilled to free the oranges, forest greens, beiges and browns from their resting place.  I hope they’re ready for liberal presentation at multiple venues.  There’s something slightly mysterious about full skirts, slacks and jeans, close toe shoes, sweaters and long sleeve shirts.  I’m sure you understand the not-so-hidden meaning.

For those who enjoy the wolf whistles and gawkers, cooler weather may deliver goose bumps and pink flesh if you delay wardrobe change.  That’s your personal choice and I’m sure there are numerous admirers who will appreciate your thoughtfulness.

And then there’s the holiday season; time to officially celebrate good times with friends that should be heralded year round.  I’m all for overt reminders and every year I wish the spirit of the season could prevail upon us to be of good cheer for longer spells than the days beginning with Thanksgiving and ending abruptly on New Years Day.  For some we don’t need reminding but for most of the world the hustle and bustle insinuates itself on our bliss all too suddenly.  For others there is Hallmark and the others who capitalize on the hype of certain days designated for mandated outward displays of affection.

This will be my first year out and about during the entire holiday season.  Previously I was relegated to events that did not hold my interest, all in the thoughtful pursuit of another’s happiness.  Marvel of marvels I’m excited for the possibilities including, ahem, shopping for holiday fashions.  What closet would be truly complete without those bright and cheery colors, patterns and designs?

The colors in my portion of the world are magnificent and have been for some time.  Oh yeah, that goes for the fall foliage too!  I hope you can say the same with absolute confidence.

Love and hugs, Nikki DiCaro

Planfulness and Granules of Salt

Taking on responsibilities that challenge the limits of your comfort zone is definitely a learning experience.  As much as this could easily be about work, it is equally about personal endeavors.  We all face challenges; the depth and breadth measured by our capacity to effectively address and succeed.  No, accepting challenges is not about surviving.  Is there any reason to take on more than you can handle?

I’m not an advocate for inviting unmanageable stress through the front door of my being.  No, there’s nothing to be gained by pushing beyond the outer extremities of rational thought.  You’re probably trying to figure out what I mean and where I am going.

I’ve disclosed successes during the early phases of my transition.  With transparency as my mantra I want you to know that I’ve had to dial back the enthusiasm for venturing into uncharted waters.  Sure, others have begun to map the course that we could model.  No, the course others take is not identical to the one I will follow.  I don’t want to speak for you but I’ll hazard a guess that their course will not be perfectly replicable nor will it generate the same degree of success for you as it has for them.

Like any number of us I want this to happen but there’s nothing positive to gain by rushing headlong into something for which I’m not properly motivated, prepared and strong enough to undertake.  Don’t be fooled by my success.  I’ve thought about the process; formulated every conceivable response to each step I am taking.  I’ve built emotional reserves in the event things don’t go exactly as I plan.  We all know the risk of overly optimistic forecasts.

So I repeat the caution to be planful in how you approach challenges, especially one as potentially cataclysmic as revealing your innermost secrets to anyone.  There’s no ‘rewind’ button in life.  Once the proverbial cat is out of the figurative bag you won’t be able to say “Oh just kidding.  Had you going there for a minute, eh?”  You don’t want to be a position where you escape a harrowing encounter with only one layer of dermis.  Death by a thousand cuts would be welcome after such and experience.

Build alternatives based on possible outcomes.  Before you ask, yes I’ve done that and was fully girded for possible less than favorable responses from my audience.  Even the best intentions can turn into your worst nightmare.  Be prepared to shed a former relationship if things don’t go well.  I know, emotional pain will ensue but you will be much better positioned to weather the storm.

No, I’m not a “sky is falling” type.  If you know me at all you know I have the strength of lioness.  But, I am fragile too and need to protect the soft inner lining surrounding my heart and soul.

Bottom line is; you can accomplish anything within your skillset if you put your mind to it in a planful way.  Don’t fool yourself.  And by the same token don’t psych yourself out.

Have a wonderful Wednesday and take whatever advice I offer with the appropriate granules of sodium chloride.

Love and hugs, Nikki DiCaro

Reticence and Decision-Making

Today one of the sad realities of mortality hit close to home.  One of my vice presidents stopped by my office to inform me than a long-time employee suffered a massive stroke and is hospitalized. We don’t have any more information.  The impact of the news sent shockwaves through the office.  She is a loyal employee and a fantastic person.  I remember talking with her on Friday past.  We have cordial interactions everyday.  There is now a new hole in my life.

This disastrous news puts things into perspective.  The take away: life is short and no matter how “in shape” you are your number may come up at any time.  Live life as full as you can.  You never know when you will not have the luxury. I’ve had conversations with people about what I’m doing and why I’m doing it.  The “it” to which I refer is transitioning.

I’ve been told there’s not enough time to enjoy.  There’s no payback.  It’s expensive along with a multitude of other cautions.  Well there is nothing important in life worth putting off; particularly if planning, preparation and execution are components of the worthwhile endeavor.

No, I’m not cajoling you.  I’m reporting my view of “things”.  It’s up to you to agree or disagree.  That’s baked into the concept of choice.  If you have the luxury of freedom to choose, then choose wisely.  Again, not a caution only friendly advice.

For me there is no better time to advance my agenda.  Why would I wait?  Is there anything to be gained?  You may reverse the question and ask if there is anything to lose.  There is much to lose.  The most important is time.  Everyday we don’t live “our” life is one less day on life’s calendar.

If you’re reticent or undecided then by all means pursue goals at your pace.  But for those of us with measured impatience we mark time by progress.  We not only want the goal we need the goal.  It’s okay to want and need. We all have them; wants and needs.  Determine yours and then set the course.

I’ve been told, most recently by my brother closest in age, that most people at my station in life would be looking to slow down and enjoy our achievements.  He was amazed that I have bigger plans for my life in addition to living the woman I was born to be.  He didn't question my motives.  I think he appreciates the energy and drive to give back.  I understand my calling and refuse to delay the inevitable.

I’m not going to wait for life to come knocking.  I actively seek it daily.  Conversely I’m not going to wait for a cataclysmic event to kick my determination into high gear.  That’s never been a trait I embraced.

So in closing I remind you that we’re all numbers in the bingo game of life.  Our number will come up randomly even if the law of averages appears tilted in our favor.

Love and hugs, Nikki DiCaro