The View From The Top

The view from the top; sounds powerful, alluring and almost romantic, yes?  Those of you who have reached the summit, in whatever capacity, know it’s not all that and a box of chocolates.  Well maybe it is a box of something.  What’s in the box is the mystery and opening the box could be dicey.  Getting the top spot comes with some advantages and plenty of disadvantages.  One of the disadvantages is that all arrows point to you, or is it “point at you”?  Whatever the appropriate terminology, you get a sense of what the pioneers felt like as they traversed a valley and up on the hillside sat native Americans with silent death in their quivers.

Just like in every other aspect of life there are those who support and those who criticize.  Ever notice that the critics, the ones with the most to say, are the ones contributing the least.  Unless of course you count vitriol as a contribution.  I call it poisoning the well.  And it’s especially alarming for the young and impressionable.  Efforts to nurture them are torn asunder by pompous, bombastic, egotistical and most likely clueless people claiming an overwhelming workload yet failing to produce one shred of productivity.

Sometimes it’s better to be a foot soldier than a general.  Power carries a sometimes crushing load of responsibility.  We’re strong, we can handle it.  I’m not doubting or complaining.  The purpose is to say what others may be thinking.  Isn’t that what a scribe does?  This column will be devoted to a plethora of varied topics.  Yes yours truly can get into a groove and report consonant topics; hopefully not to the detriment of my readers.

Here’s the connective tissue, the tendrils, that make this post relevant to your life no matter where you are on the professional ladder. The further up the ladder you are the less likely your fingers will be tread upon.  But you are more prone to lightning strikes, bird droppings, and other animate and inanimate objects that make occupying lofty heights not so glamorous.

Every station in life carries some modicum of responsibility and accountability.  You know it as well as I.  So what do we do?  Bury our collective head in the sand?  That will get pesky grains of irritant in your eyes and ears.  Face it, you can’t hide from responsibility.  It will be waiting for you like a dog awaits the return of its master.  Turn servitude into mastery by shaking off negativity.  There’s nothing more soothing to the ego than to give complainers and critics no nourishment.  Let their destructive words wither and die.  Eventually they will go away.  It’s up to you to be consistent in your approach.  Predictability is a good thing for most.  Realize change happens slowly and you don’t want to alienate your supporters by ignoring their needs.  They are one of the reasons you’ve reached this point in your life.

Wishing you a fulfilling Friday and a wonderful weekend.

Love and hugs, Nikki DiCaro

The Pachyderm In The Room

Sometimes a problem grows in size as if being fed constantly.  That’s the case when consternation, fear of confrontation or some other emotional or psychological ingredient is added to the food dish.

On countless occasions I can remember putting off the inevitable, read dealing with the problem, until the room filled to overflowing with the elephant that had grown to mammoth proportions.

It’s not easy to deal; to address a situation frontally.  Yes, I know sometimes the problem shrinks until the solution occurs organically.  If only that happened every time; we could avert confrontation.

So why must a solution include confrontation, raised voices, anxiety and ill will that is the classic byproduct of tense encounters?  I frame the argument because I am the poster child for providing unnecessary nourishment to the aforementioned pachyderm.

Fear not, I’m dense, but not impenetrable.  I’ve taken to defusing a potentially incendiary situation with tact and aplomb.  It wasn’t easy to get me to that place where self-confidence reigns supreme.  Maybe it’s my maturity.  I know what you’re thinking; don’t go there!  Or it’s my desire to get past all the fretting and just deal with it.

The problem isn’t going to dry up and blow away, especially when others rely on your ability to deal.  Setting an example can he burdensome or it can be energizing.  I’ve experienced both in dosages that might be considered dangerously close to fatal.  Fortunately I survived and am living to tell you there is hope.  No situation is hopeless even if it means addressing a matter by using discretion.  You don’t always have to engage to deal.  You can exit gracefully, dignity intact, to live another day.

No confrontation is worth physical risk, no matter how physically endowed you may be.  There will always be someone faster and stronger.  And oh if that other person enjoys bullying, exiting rapidly and gracefully is your best option.

Why did I take us down that literary rabbit hole?  Because I wanted you to know that those elephants not only crowd you out, they leave big piles of fertilizer to clean up.  And unless you enjoy that form of mammalian company, take stock of your emotional strength and take on whatever needs your attention sooner rather than later.  You’ll feel empowered and you’ll probably sleep better.

Go ahead, prove it to yourself.  I’ll bet your new best friends will be an ear to ear smile and a noticeable bounce in your step.

Have a thoroughly terrific Thursday.

Love and hugs, Nikki DiCaro

Life without Air Conditioning

When today started I thought I heard a foreign alarm tone coming from my phone.  No, it wasn’t strumming or chiming in a different language.  Do I look like that type of girl?  We won’t entertain a journey down that narrow road.  Instead I’ll share an interesting development.

The walk from air conditioned facility through the beginning of a sweltering day deposits me at the threshold of the office building I call home for the weekly forty.  The welcoming chill of conditioned air embraces me; delivering a touch of lightheadedness.

I know what you’re thinking.  Be nice to me! [spoken in a crestfallen tone through pouty lips] If I may continue, today the atmosphere was foreign.  Instead of cool I was embraced by a blanket of humidity.  Funny how a building can heat up and adopt the characteristics of the exterior environ so quickly.  By the time I stepped off the elevator six floors from ground I was beginning to perspire.  I know, not something you find particularly interesting.  Well honey neither do I!

The air conditioning system was down.  You know what that means.  The icing (an oxymoron, yes?) on the meat cake was the revelation that running water was no longer running.  Hell, it wasn’t even walking.  So faced with the potential for a burgeoning health crisis I dismissed all but senior staff and stuck (yes the right environment for being sticky) around for a meeting and then a conference call.

Why am I telling you all this, like you want to know how Nikki spends her days in boy costume?  There’s a moral, an end to the story.  Retreating to an interior office away from the sun beating relentlessly against the large windows and heating an already warm office, I settled in with my colleagues for a not-so-uncomfortable meeting.  The conference call was a different story.  Sorry, not a different blog.  I know you’re probably wishing for root canal or something less painful.

By the end of the call the cooling system had been rebooted and the temperature leveled off at eighty degrees.  In an hour and a half the water was flowing and the temp was down to the high seventies.  When I was thinking things could get worse fortunes turned and conditions improved.

I probably sound silly for sticking around after dismissing the staff.  But things have got to get done and another day out of the office would not solve my problem.  The work elves stopped coming around and cleaning up delinquent work product long ago.  

Sticking with the situation and having faith in human nature paid off.  Things do come around if you invest in patience.  It is a virtue and one to be extolled.  Coming from someone as impatient as this girl, those words must sound foreign.  Teachable moments abound.  I’m off (no snide remarks please) to electrolysis and the glorious promise of silky smooth complexion.  There’s distance between here and there but that space is shortening with each passing week.

Have a wonderful Wednesday.

Love and hugs, Nikki DiCaro

Protons and Electrons

Let’s talk science.  I know, this is not supposed feel like a lecture.  Stay with me for a few minutes.  You’ll find something interesting in the following tome.

Presume for a minute that you are an atom.  Which atom are you?

“Why is this relevant to the price of lipstick?” [Don’t tell Nikki but I think she’s having an allergic reaction to her foundation.]

It has nothing to do with the price of lipstick.

“So you’re going to explain, aren’t you dear?”

Have you been a waitress at an old world diner?  Or did you work at a Horn and Hardart restaurant?   You have the vocabulary down pat.

The Periodic Table of Elements would be a handy little reference at this point in the conversation.

“You’re writing a blog, how can there be any conversation?”  [See what I mean about Nikki’s mind?]

What makes a balloon go up?

“Hot air, everyone knows that!”

So what’s holding you down? [The vocab monitor storms off in a huff.]

Turning to chemistry let’s talk atoms.  You know the concept of atoms; protons, neutrons and electrons.  In my version of life you can have a nucleus and you can also be a component of another person’s molecular makeup.

How many protons make up your nucleus?  Why is that important?  I’m asking before the pesky word monitor interrupts again.  It reveals your sphere of influence.  The more protons in your nucleus the more electrons you attract. 

“You know Nikki I’ve been thinking.”

That could be dangerous for you and others.

“Be nice and let me tell you what I’ve been thinking.”

Okay, if you agree to get to the point.

“If my friends are electrons, then I can figure the atomic weight of my atom by the number of friends that I attract.”

Holy pantyhose I think you’ve got it!

“Thank you honey.”

Let’s follow that line of conversation.  Are you a hydrogen atom (1 proton hence one electron), an atom of silver (atomic weight of 47) or another atom with a higher atomic weight.

“What about isotopes and other variations of atoms?”

We’re not going there.  I wanted to make a simple point. Before you interrupt again I’m going to explain. You have the opportunity to be whatever atom you want.  You can count your atomic weight by the sphere of influence you exert.  I’m not advocating anything here.  I am pointing out that there’s nothing wrong with being however influential you want to be.  If you have the chemistry to manage a large number of friends, go for it sis.  If not, then enjoy the ability to focus – concentrate – your time and energy on a small cadre of friends.

Good friends are precious.  There’s no way to place a value on them.  And why would that be necessary?  We’re not selling friendships although I’ve experienced a few awkward moments when monetary embellishments were offered with a distinct expectation of a return on said investment.

Enjoy your day as you count the blessings of friendships that are strong and enduring.

Love and hugs, Nikki DiCaro

The Secret to Your Success

I’m back in male costume after four glorious days enjoying femininity.  Every day gets a little harder to go back.  That’s right, affirmation burns unquenchable in my soul.  For too long male biology played tricks; and not entertaining ones.  After my rebirth and living in my third year of this new life I am more convinced of the invincibility of the spirit.

Inevitability can be thermals that buffer your wings.  Spread them wide.  They will not cast shadow - a phenomenon to confound the conventional.  The vision of your wings spread wide, glorious and free, will encourage others to take flight and join your rise to heights previously imagined.

We (friends and loved ones) were out and about in various locales, every one comfortable.  Sure, there may have been the semi-silent minority who don’t understand.  Do I worry about them and their lack of knowledge?  Only if there is an opportunity to educate.  I don’t and won’t go out of my way to address a situation unless intuition informs the situation benign.

Our time is valuable.  No need to make fruitless investments, right?  You get my direction – I know you do – always forward.  The days of equivocation are gone, shunted and shuttered like a house haunted by memories better left alone to degrade with passage of time.

By the grace of the divine entity to whom I pray for strength doors to the future open without effort; key appearing prominently on my key ring of vitality.  There is a secret to my success that isn’t much of a secret.  You have one of those precious decoders for your life.  Your spirit holds the cipher key.  Will you open the diamond-studded carrying case?  Go ahead, open the lid.  Yes, I know your hands tremble.  You are a little scared and a little excited sprinkled with a few other feelings. Light casting tendrils of luminosity through the sliver of opening make you want to reconsider lest you become blinded by positivity.

No this is not an indictment of your equivocation.  You will move at the pace most comforting to your situation.  The takeaway message is to be optimistic about the future, possibilities are as endless as the stars in the sky.  The dream in your heart yearns for release.  Breathe life into it, birth your new life.  Go ahead, you can do it.  Assistance will be provided by new friends – the midwives of your life-giving activity.

Have a wonderful day and that will portend a bright and cheery future.

Love and hugs, Nikki DiCaro 

Trans Mission

The things we do define our path, our direction, how we choose to live our lives.  I like the term “choose” because that’s what we do.  There should be miniscule dispute that some milestones along the way will be defined; requiring predetermined acts, actions or refraining from acts or actions.  But they are not the defining points for us.  They could be called toll gates, weigh stations or checkpoints.  They are not there to impede, only to provide clarity as appropriate. As unique as each snowflake, the journey for each who undertake the trek is personal to us.  This is our Trans Mission.  Yes I know that sounds more like a car part than a personal endeavor.  This is literature (whether you believe I am a hack writer or more eloquent that a fifth grader).

As with the sojourn, we have the luxury (versus the necessity) to label this adventures whatever we select from the multitude of options.  And however you monikerize it, this will not be contrived or acted from a predetermined script.  You are the playwright.  There’s nothing wrong with that.

Notwithstanding the play on words, the literary ask and answer, the push and pull or the give and take, you should take your travels as seriously or as lightheartedly as you feel appropriate to enable this thing we call ‘trans mission’ to be enjoyable, educational and fulfilling.

Pack lightly for the trip. Be prepared to visit with people along the way.  Open your heart to the possibilities and probabilities of friendship and heart rending encounters.  Isn’t that one of the outcomes?  If not, shouldn’t it be?

Everything you do either dictates or influences your direction.  You need do nothing that falls outside the line between the here and now and your goals and objectives.  But you should not attempt to go it alone. That’s not how it must be.  You will be right for yourself and you may be right for another or others.  That’s called luck by way of bravery.

Yes I know friendship requires more than a modicum of trust.  You are discerning, regardless of how many times you nick the nail polish from the tip of your big toe.  Reward entails risk.  You don’t win every bet you don’t place.

So take advantage of yourself, in a good way that is!  You have qualities, capabilities and gifts that will serve you will.  They are magical in their right and are meant to be at your disposal.

Have a glorious weekend and treat yourself to something wonderful.

Love and hugs, Nikki DiCaro