Streams of Consciousness

Upper atmospheric disturbances rumble like overweight construction vehicles traversing those thick large steel plates that are sometimes used to cover excavation in a roadway.  Sometimes the electricity from the impending storm seems to stir and tickle the tiny particles of dust swirling around in perpetual motion.

The digital display reads 4:29 a.m.  Over recent days sleep has become elusive.  For months I slept soundly, carefree and restfully.  The past few evenings have started off well.  You know, falling asleep without effort.  Peacefulness is broken by a middle of the night awakening as if my body is declaring “you’ve slept enough Nikki.  Time to wake.”

I fight the urge to rise and pad about aimlessly seeking usefulness that during predawn hours is as absent as a truant.  Sleep and its accompanying reinvigorating aftermath visits sometimes for prolonged periods, other times for less than a fortnight. 

My stab at productivity includes penning a few thoughts that are stream of consciousness.  Surely you are more than vaguely aware that my writing style is more mongrel than pure bred.  How could ramblings of an oftentimes manic transgender in the midst of physiological and emotional change be stable?  That poses an interesting conundrum.

What is stability?  Dare I summon the term ‘conventional’ from the graveyard of words?  You know my feelings about the overused and borderline morose description of things that stubbornly refuse to acclimate to ever-changing environments.

I believe stability is whatever you make it.  You can be the Webster of your life and restrict or embellish words and phrases to fit the traffic patterns that ebb and flow through your everyday.

I’m glad I awakened early. Sister Nature must have known there was a panoply of verbiage longing for expression.  So thank her or blame her for this missive.  It’s times like these that I believe I’m a vessel, a conduit, a viaduct for information (I dare not sprinkle this tome with the word ‘intelligence’ lest you consider me beyond salvation).

Hopefully you find solace, wisdom or humor – or any combination of the triumvirate – in this passage.

Enjoy your day.  I hope energy is your friend – stalwart and kindred.  Find time to appreciate yourself and the vast uniqueness of perspective you bring to the world.

Love and hugs, Nikki DiCaro