Lobster Tales

Friday cometh, dragging May 2015 into our midst!  Fish Day, another popular moniker served (inadvertently according to lore and various websites) to support the fishing industry in at least one peninsular country that dips more than its toe into the Mediterranean Sea.

“What’s that have to do with the price of tartar sauce?”

I thought a filet of trivia might boost the current in your body of water.  Keep your scales on. I’ll wriggle out of this minor distraction in two shakes of a fish’s tail.

I know, but what do you expect for the end of a long and arduous week?  If you expect lobster you should consider calling ahead.

Did you hear the story of the couple who decided to try the new upscale restaurant in the trendy part of the city?  There were two specials on the menu.  One was filet of sole.  When the husband decided he wanted the sole his wife was taken aback because he refused to eat fish at home.  When she asked him, within earshot of the waiter, since when did you decide to eat fish?  He announced in his best James Brown “Cause I’m a soul man!”  The wife rolled her eyes and made a comment that was barely audible.

“I’d like a lobster tail.” She announced to the waiter who had approached their table. The waiter deciding to play along.

“Well there once was this lobster who walked up to this beautiful basket filled with goodies.  After gorging himself on the bounty he fell asleep.  When he awoke he found himself in hot water!”

The husband thought the adlib humorous and began to laugh.  The wife, not one for such things looked crossly at the waiter before announcing, “Young man, if you had any sense you’d take that order to the kitchen before you act yourself out of a tip!”

The waiter jotted down the balance of the order; attempting to stifle a laugh.  When the couple was alone again the wife laughed about the episode.  By the end of the evening the discord between the server and the customers had been repaired – all’s well that ends well.

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

You never know when you’re going to become embroiled in a difficult situation.  How you react speaks volumes about your composure and strength of character.  Some people are destined to push your button.  See if you can push back in a non-confrontational way.  I think you’ll enjoy the way the next scene in the drama unfolds.

Have a wonderful Friday wherever life takes you.

Love and hugs, Nikki DeCaro

Make Your Own Kind of Music...

“Nobody can tell ya, there’s only one song worth singing.  They may try to sell ya because it hangs them up to see someone like me or you.”  I’ve featured these words extracted from Cass Elliot’s song Make Your Own Kind of Music.

Make your own kind of music and you WILL find others to sing along.  I’m living proof.

I’m amused at the visceral reaction to the revelation of a gender struggling for release from the prison of a façade, a shell.  I’m learning there are many levels of misunderstanding.  Some levels are set in concrete inside steel mesh coated in high tensile carbon alloy.  (Sounds like at least one of my immediate family members). Science has not invented a solvent to dissolve every layer – the core of prejudice safe from pollution of intelligent opinion, alternative views or worse, facts that dispel erroneous conclusions.

Life is cruel to some – keeping them shrouded in narrow-mindedness.  They are on the wrong side of wrong.  They have no hope for redemption and salvation.  You should feel empathy for them – they may never see the light of day – enlightenment carrying steeper odds than the lottery.

Maybe the magic potion, the elixir, the weapon to eviscerate the layers of misguided protection is understanding.  I know, it gets old and frustrating bordering on emotional debilitation to have to be the one who plays the enlightened role.  You can do it.  Never knew you were that smart did you?

Simple and unrefined understanding – is what I’m manifesting as the approach to bigotry.

I’m not saying you have to embrace them in a warm and welcoming hug.  I don’t have that much happy juice in my thermos.  But I don’t have to kowtow to anyone anywhere for anything.  Sometimes we feel like we want to deliver a bit of pain transfer with knee to the genitals.  Why fight or engage feelings that don’t improve my outlook when I can delegate that to ones who have no control over their common sense.  Right, common sense is not common.  If it was, the world would be a better place.  We’ll put this to rest for the day and get on with things.  Be the bright light in the twilight of reason.  Perpetual light blinds the ignorant and warms the equivocal.  Create your personal poltergeist.  Draw the willing to you; leave the others to watch and wonder.

Enjoy Thursday for everything it promises. 

Love and hugs, Nikki DeCaro

Mountains and Mole Hills

She’ll be coming around the mountain when she comes.  Sometimes life feels like a series of hills and valleys; the hills higher and higher and the down stroke to the valley shorter and shorter.

“Not much of an introduction to Pumps Day.”  Yes thank you moderator for stating the obvious.

[Let’s humor our moderator and help her to see that her commentary was premature.]

The ascendancy is not all toil and trouble.  The higher hills bring us through and above the cloud cover giving us reason to try a little harder and push a little farther.  Go ahead and try to convince me that the view from the top isn’t worth the effort.  I might believe you and I might imagine flying four-legged animals giving milk as they pass!

Even after a long day of meetings I’m feeling convivial.

“Maybe you’re numb.”

Could be, but then I wouldn’t be able to feel sprightly if I was numb – biological fact!

“I wasn’t referring to physical numbness.”  [Don’t tell Nikki but I think she’s losing it!]

Really? And how would you know?  [Don't look now but I think our moderator is having an episode!]

“Don’t worry honey, I know.”

I knew that you know. [I can’t help but egg her on.]

“Yes but did you know that I knew that you know?” [Let’s see if Nikki is sharp enough to see where this is going.]

Of course I knew that but did you know that I knew that?

[Moderator shrugs her shoulders, mumbles something inaudible under her breath and skulks off.]

I thought she’d never leave!  Where were we?  Oh yeah, being friendly and lighthearted in the throes of a long day.  And I feel this way because today was one of those teachable moments – when something you wanted to express for too long was encouraged by a person you thought was wrapped up in themselves.  Doesn’t it feel great to convey weighty topics in a manner that is respected and possibly even absorbed by your audience?

So I leave work with nary a burden, happy to have placed the monkey of concern on the shoulders of another.  Thank you Kenneth Blanchard [author of the One Minute Manager].

I hope your Wednesday is all that and a box of whatever sweet treat tickles your palate and tantalizes your taste buds.

Love and hugs, Nikki DeCaro 

Pontificating

Let’s be thankful for what we have; the “have nots” will always outnumber the “haves”.  There is no definition of either socio-economic condition.  You can consider yourself one or the other at any point in time.   Yes, this is a recurring theme particularly on Thankful Tuesday.  I’m not pontificating, especially since the belief system to which the term pontiff is generously used does not provide equal opportunity to women.  There’s an interesting concept; a celibate male ordained into the ministry undergoes gender correction surgery.  That could make the author of such a tome religious enemy number one in certain circles.

I know it’s unlike me to stir up controversy (written with tongue imbedded firmly in my supple cheek).  There’s nothing wrong with a dose of irreverence.  How else can we peel back the layer of seriosity in favor of exposing jocularity?  No haven for heavy hearts here.  Pardon the alliteration.

I can hear the comments including, how I may be flirting with blasphemy or cutting certain factions to the quick.  Well, maybe their quick needed a modest trim.  Can you laugh at yourself?  Are you wound so tight you’d make a watchmaker proud? 

You might be so bold as to insinuate that our unconventionality is the epitome of irreverence.  And why not?  Who ordained anyone the pontiff of our life?  I’d slap myself for that remark but that would leave a mark and I’m trying to tone down the volume of foundation for the more “natural” look.  The goal is the ‘girl next door’ look.  I don’t want anything controllable to desecrate my quest.  You might think my confession a bit premature.  I prefer to think we’re in communion on this topic.

Try to smile.  Oh come on lighten up!  Practice perching the pearlies in persistent presentation.  You know you want to; and you know you want me to encourage you.

Have a wonderfully irreverent Tuesday and see how many people you can encourage to smile.

Love and hugs, Nikki DeCaro

The "Jenner" Effect

Monday after the Friday evening interview and the airwaves are abuzz with conclusions (sometimes without the benefit of fact – like my brother who is a ready, fire, aim type) about why Jenner has gone public with the disclosure.  Such disclosure wasn’t secret prior to the interview.

First a generalization – people do things for reasons that are not always easy to comprehend.  Public figures hide behind the mask of honor bestowed upon the office by prior figures.  Others shy away from the limelight and choose to attempt to tamp down their stardom for the sake of privacy.

“Hard to agree that Jenner was fastidious about the secret.  Sure, s/he (which pronoun is appropriate?) was in the public eye more than out of it.  The hero of the Olympics (when heroes were not a dime a dozen) utilized fame to generate fortune.  Which of us wouldn’t capitalize on the opportunity to parlay hard work and accomplishment into financial gain?  Don’t we do that at work now?  Jenner’s situation was many magnitudes higher than ours.

Was the interview good, bad or neutral for the transgender community?  Did the interview polarize and/or catalyze?  From what I saw in the media, both!  Talking heads see blood in the water and begin thrashing about leveling opinion like sixteen inch guns at the conquering hoards.  Some are repulsed, others are gratified – all have opinions.

I ponder whether Jenner had a choice about going public, not about gender, or was Jenner confirming rumor and innuendo?  Ever have a situation in life that weighed like an albatross (I don’t know the weight of an albatross but I can imagine the level of discomfort if the animal was hung from my neck) or a millstone?  Did you struggle mightily to retain your secret until you couldn’t carry it any longer?  Once you laid down the burden you felt better, right?  Cue the James Taylor song, You’ve Got a Friend. … People can be so cruel, they can hurt you, and desert you, well they’ll take your soul if you let them…Well then don’t you let them.

Did Jenner take back his public soul?  Did the body language in the interview send mixed messages – possibly.  Could the clothing and the gestures have been more representative of the female side?  Should earrings have adorned the ears and nail polish adorned the fingers?  Sure, the staging could have been better.  And the staging could have been worse!  Was there a financial incentive for the interview – more than likely.  Would you have done such an interview that drove ratings into the stratosphere for the benefit of only the group you represent?

From the interview came “ah ha” moments – teachable moments.  The interview also stokes the flames of discontent among those who choose to live by very strict convention – except when something in their lives bucks convention and causes them to see a color that heretofore was not part of their black and white existence.

Recall that slavery formally ended 150 years ago, yet we continue to struggle against the yoke of prejudice.  Sympathizers of both extremes continue to this day.  There will always be those whose rigidity spurs others to be rigid.  Those are not the stalwarts we choose to address – lost causes.  We choose to address those who are close to the center, open to facts and situations, willing to listen and understand even if they are not accepting immediately.

If Jenner never revealed in the way Jenner chose, then there would always be the speculation.  If drama and uncertainty swirled around you like caustic fog, would you be able to shrug it off and live your life in blissful ignorance of the reaction of others and how they might be impacting your life and the lives of those who care for you?

The interview could have focused on the travails of the six biological children who were probably adversely impacted by degradation of certain social relationships.  Maybe the insensitivity of those who hurled epitaphs or whispered negativity should have been highlighted.  I didn’t hear any “woe is me and my poor family”.  For that and many other reasons I am grateful for Jenner’s honesty and willingness to put life on hold in order to show that not all unconventional people are abnormal.

This situation will be a media event for some time.  Let’s bask in the glow of certain circles that will be strengthened by the story.  The Jenner story is nothing new but the coverage is widespread and far reaching.  Utilize the energy and momentum to address a long and lingering doubt in your life.

In closing let me offer the following words from my mother, who has known about Nikki for almost two years and who enjoys the daughter she never had.  “I watched the Bruce Jenner interview.  I heard the same things you told me when we talked about Nikki.  This is not a lifestyle, this is not something you choose.  This is something you are born with.  I think he is brave for doing the interview.”

Love and hugs, Nikki DeCaro