Looking and Finding!

Have you found what you’re looking for?  Someone asked me the following: “Why is it that you always find what you’re looking for in the last place you look?”  My expression formed into a question as I tried to compose an appropriate response.  Tongue in cheek I feigned deep thought. Finally, after dialing back the beginning of a wise crack I responded.  “Do you think it would benefit if you continued to look for the discovered item after you’ve found it?”

“Okay Nikki, why is this relevant?”

You always ask the tough questions.  I heard Bono sing “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.”

Have you found what you are seeking?  You know the relevance of the question.  What you are looking for is closer than you think.  I’ve been there.  I was one of those who kept looking after I unknowingly found what I sought.  That’s right, none are exempt from futility even when the obvious is so close we can touch it.

Define what you seek.  If you can’t explain it you’ll never find it.

Sales clerk: can I help you? [an engaging smile]

Me: [pregnant pause] yes. [another pause] I’m looking for something

Sales clerk: [tries not to give the roll of the eyes and stifles a snicker]

Me: it’s the thing that fits inside the other gizmo. [I’m feeling like I should find a hole to crawl into]

Sales clerk: can you tell me more about this thing? [she’s trying not to mock me]

Me: [I swear she wants to place her thumb and forefinger on her forehead in the shape of an “L”] It’s black, no wait it’s blue.  Yes it’s long, blue and kinda thin and has bristles on it. [If I were her I’d suggest a porcupine]

Sales clerk: That might be in our hardware section. [she begins to walk turning her head to make sure I’m following]

I left the hardware store without my purchase.  It turns out I didn’t need that “thing” anyway because I found a perfect substitute at home.

“Okay Nikki, let me ask again and this time I’ll talk slower; what is this about?”

My story may not be the perfect corollary [facilitator rolls her eyes as she screws her index finger into her temple]. I went searching for something that wasn’t something I needed.  I had what I needed all the time.  I failed to look within the vicinity. 

I went through the searching exercise for years until I dug through all of the emotional and physical layers.  I found the person I am today.  She was buried under layers of convention and unrefined personage.  Like a diver passing through various depths en route to the surface I realized I had to go slow unless I wanted to hurt myself.

I’ve finally surfaced and am beginning the swim to shore.  The ocean is beautiful and calm; a few whitecaps accompany my journey.

Find yourself and begin your journey.  Look within for the beating heart and the beautiful glow that needs to see the light of day.  Nobody can find you except you.  Once you surface open yourself to friendships of likeminded people.

See you on shore.  Maybe we can share a plush towel and a splash of suntan lotion.

Love and hugs, Nikki DeCaro