Weekends are for rejuvenating,
recharging, reengaging and rejoicing and all the other “re” words that express
gratitude and rejoicing over wonderfully warm and welcoming friends and loved
ones. I’ve expressed feelings that run the gamut, more upbeat and lighthearted
lately. It’s taken years to come to
grips with who I am and why I am. I’m
not sure whether the “why” is more important than the “who”.
I know who I am once I realized the
“who” didn’t occur overnight or during the past three years of my rebirth. No, the “who” occurred when I was born. Yes, born in the wrong box, similar to a
Windows operating system in a Mac shell.
The analogy could easily be flipped around.
I don’t regard my birth gender as
the original me that drives the new me.
No, I won’t forget from whence I came but I have no interest in
regurgitating that part of my life. I
made my peace with what that part of my life yielded including offspring and
failures. Both were plentiful and at
times frustrating. I am thankful that I
could advance to this stage in my development under the cover of the male
protective umbrella.
I’ve been told by former love
interests that I’m cheating Mother Nature because I’m not experiencing all of
the pains that femininity delivers. One
of my formers labeled it “God’s little joke” meaning hot flashes and sagging
body parts that were once alluring and eye-catching.
Well I’ve turned that comment
around and replied “what would you call this thing I had to endure for the
majority of my life”? I’m not making any
religious statements. I capitalized the
name of the deity in deference to convention. I’m not insinuating that God
plays jokes on his /her creation (whom ever you consider your higher being).
It is what it is. You can’t turn
back the clock or call “redo”; although most of us might consider that
something wonderfully attractive. But
there is a price to pay for everything.
Nothing in life is free. If you
think so; then you don’t think consequences are a result of decisions or lack
thereof.
So onward and upward we go. There’s every reason to look ahead. The road is clear and the sky bright with
only passing wispy clouds. I refuse to
fear the future for the past has girded me for whatever lies ahead.
I hope you will turn your lips into
a broad smile; absorb all the good in the air.
Open yourself to the greatness of life.
Love and hugs, Nikki DiCaro
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