When things go well, capitalization
becomes opportunistic. No, not the
“Adding of upper case letters to words” meaning. Capitalization as in moving something from
the expense line to the asset line. Yep,
you guessed it I was trained in the science of accounting. But that’s not important for this discussion.
When you establish relationships
with people in which you are both transparent there isn’t anything to hide. More importantly there isn’t the hint of a
façade. Facades are for hiding things or
making things appear to be different than they are.
These are relationships that enable
us to capitalize on what we know about people.
Don’t read this to mean ‘exploit for lopsided gain to the detriment of the
other’. It is much easier to trust those
with no political agenda. Heaven help me
but I have people on my staff that play the political game so well it’s
frightening. There are whispers, secrets
and smiles that hide true feelings. I
tire of that shell game quickly. When
that happens the tether on my temper slips and patience suffers.
Yes I know I can’t fire off every
time something bothers me. So don’t play
hide and seek with your feelings or tell me something you think I want to
hear. Because you know the truth will
surface at an inopportune time. That
makes for a heavy dose of tension that eventually pulls the façade from its
support posts. When it topples you see
the truth and you’re either shocked or frustrated. Are either of these outcomes worth the
miniscule amount of time you buy with the charade?
Where
are you going on this rambling road dear?
I was getting to that love; keep
your panties, or whatever you wear under your outer garments, secured.
I met with a friend that I’ve known
for two years. This male was introduced
by a long-time male friend, dating back to my college days. At lunch he told me his story of being
knocked to the curb several times. He
picked himself up and dusted himself off to try again. That happened twice more and this person is
still fighting and impressive as anyone I have ever known. Life was exceptionally demanding of him and
he interpreted that demand as preparing him for something wonderful. I admire my friend for being an open book and
willing to help others understand that life can be challenging but was not
going to keep him from achieving.
Feeling that familiar peace and
calm I said, “I’m going through some exciting and major changes in my
life.” His eyes brightened as his brow
asked the unspoken question. “I’m transgender going through transition and will
be the woman I was born to be full-time in early 2016.” I didn't have to wait for his response.
“That’s wonderful, awesome, rock
on!” He used the term ‘rock on’ when he
was amped up about something. He reached
across the table with a closed fist to offer the new version of a high five.
“My daughter thinks she’s a
boy.” The words stuck me like a shot to
the solar plexus. Catching my breath I
repeated what he said then asked, “What do you think?”
Again no hesitation, “I love her
and I want her to own it if she believes in it.” We talked for over half an
hour. He wanted my input, feedback and
opinion. I gave him a brain dump. I know that didn’t take very long, what did
we do for the next twenty-nine minutes?
Very funny!!!
He told me about a long letter of
disclosure the girl wrote, carrying all the signs of gender dysphoria. He didn’t know what that was. He wasn’t aware of LGBT-specific resources,
etc. I offered my sincerest and full
support no matter what he and his child need over time. When I returned to the office I sent a bevy
of references, resources and links.
Oh by the way when we finally went
our separate ways he embraced me and said, “It’s Nikki right? Then Nikki it is!”
At three o’clock this morning
something ephemeral awakened me and drew me to the laptop on the dresser. Opening and signing on I saw an email from my
friend. It contained the full body of the letter his child had written. Through tear-blurred eyes I absorbed every nuance
and feeling. My heart filled with love
for this child and my friend and I also felt the familiar feelings that I
experienced growing up. The big difference is this child articulately laid out
feelings more courageously than I could have done or would have dared to do. Opening a Word document I copied and pasted
the emotional plea for help and responded with all the details I could
accumulate in as succinct a manner as possible emphasizing the need to embrace
this child and gain the child’s confidence.
I warned that appropriately trained professional assistance, which is
readily available, should be engaged after earning the faith and respect of the
boy in a girl’s box. This is a tenuous situation, the tipping point between
allowing this child to properly adjust to the life intended and losing this
child to a life-ending event.
I’m where I am for a reason and
each day that reason comes plainly and clearly into view. What I once viewed as a curse praying for
this cup to bypass me I now see is my calling.
I am where I am at this point in life and I have the powerfully awesome,
committed and loving inner circle of true and trusted soul sisters and heart
friends as resources for us to support each other as we help the world to see genuine
transgender people as real human beings as vulnerable and valuable as any conventional
person. We’re making a difference one
life at a time and that difference reverberates like a pebble dropped in the
center of a still body of water. You
never know who you will reach and how you will reach them.
Love and hugs, Nikki DiCaro
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