Arriving at Femininity

Sitting around nursing myself back to health after struggling all week with the manifestations of a cold.  I don’t do “sick” well.  I’m sure most of us don’t like operating at less than one hundred percent.

So where are you going with this honey?

I’m preparing to recall recent conversations among friends about warning signs in failed relationships.  No, not warning signs of physical illness, unless you consider inability to refrain from ejecting previously consumed nourishment as something that raises more than an eyebrow.

Few things bug me more than when I’m reminded of something.

Are you saying that if someone reminds you of something that bothers you?

As usual, your diligence preempts my completing a thought.

I’ve enjoyed many relationships.  Unfortunately, with the exception of two experiences, every post-divorce relationship ended within ninety days of inauguration.  I don’t share this searching for sympathy nor am I proud of repeated failures.

So what caused the relationships to fizzle?

There seemed to be a penchant to repeat and repeat and repeat.  Some might use a less glamorous vernacular.  I’ve chosen not to do that. I will say that words like “I’m not trying to tell you what to do” followed by “but” and then telling me whatever it was that the person insisted on pounding relentlessly into my overfull brain, caused me to end whatever it was that was germinating.

Did all of these ruminations teach you anything, dear?

Calling me dear is not endearing, pun intended.  I’ll move past that to help you understand what I learned.  I learned not to harp on something.  If the person to whom I’m talking decides not to absorb what I’m offering I move to the next topic.  Repetition is great if you are a thespian or are practicing the Palmer method of handwriting.  But in everyday fast-paced life there isn’t enough bandwidth to play a statement, rewind and push play, repeat, repeat and so on and so forth.

Maybe I’m delirious from the medication but sometimes a thought glues itself to the walls of my mind and refuses to release until I convert the thought to the written word.  I’m sure we all have things that trouble us.  Writing them down, journalizing them, clears my slate and permits moving on. 

All of this is not intended to place blame or to dismiss my femininity.  I would have arrived here regardless of previous relationship failures.  I’m here now and enjoy a fulfilling life complete with a wonderful relationship with a loving and uber understanding woman.   We all get to the tipping point by various modes and roads. I’d be interested in knowing what delivered you to this point in your journey.

Have a thoughtful and rewarding day.

Love and hugs, Nikki DiCaro