So you own the decision,
right? “Now what?”
The next step is to find, if they
exist, low hanging fruit.
“So we’re becoming farmers? I didn’t bring my boots. Besides, I’m allergic to pesticides.”
Let’s not be narrow-minded. Maybe you should go back and read the prior
post. I’m referring to the easier
targets on your plan and timeline. You
need early successes to fuel your resolve.
It’s as simple as choosing the easiest chore first and building upon
it. If you tackle the toughest
assignment first you’ll put yourself at an emotional deficit before you pull
away from the platform.
I started with two of my former
lady friends. They are friends but they
do not approach the depth and breadth of friendships I have been blessed to
have in my community of interest. These were
my practice sessions. I could course
correct from this point forward.
Certainly I was sacrificing something; the trust and confidence of these
two ladies. I realized I was putting
them in a tough position, understand? I
had empathy for them as I considered how to phrase the delivery.
“Why did I tell them? Did it matter in the scheme of things?”
I told them because they were
friends and I am proud to say they are still friends, protecting my privacy after
the disclosure. I learned that I should
be open and honest. Obfuscation would do
nothing for me except further complicate an already complex situation. They both told me they appreciated and
respected me for being honest and not keeping them in the dark. Again they had little overall impact on my
life, at least if they had decided to distance themselves from me. So my sacrifice was calculated and
planned. Remember that word “plan”? You’ll hear it often from your scribe.
I didn’t rush through the
conversation but I didn’t beat around the bush.
The marvel of marvels occurred prior to my disclosure. A sense of calm, not the eerie flavor that
portends an omen, one that calmed whatever nerves I thought I would feel. Once I told each of them, hours apart, I felt
stronger; like I accomplished something important. I had at least a toehold in my climb to the
summit that was cloud covered looming above.
I digested the conversation, the
reaction and the questions (some more obvious than others but three of the questions
I’m sure you can successfully guess). Then
I thought about next steps. I wanted to
take time to enjoy the initial successes before taking on the next disclosure
challenge. This immediate next one would
hit close to home. Telling a parent can
be as devastating as telling a spouse with whom you currently share the marital
bed. Both have the potential to become
incendiary. Both can upset your
emotional balance. So here I exercised
more caution. I practiced my
delivery. It had to be soft and
conciliatory. A proclamation or pronouncement
would not help.
The next post will go into more
detail about phase two of this multiple phase approach. Suffice it to say I shared pictures of myself
with each of the first two informed parties.
The first was incredulous. “You
could never pass, you’re too masculine. You’re going to make a fool of
yourself.” In this instance I had to
have enough confidence to withstand the onslaught of doubt. The picture conveyed assurances that words
were incapable of delivering.
More tomorrow.
Love and hugs, Nikki DiCaro
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