The universe grows and it
shrinks. This past weekend I learned
lessons about myself and experienced a breakthrough about my slice of the
world. A scientific analogy kept me
awake last evening as most nagging posts in the formative stages do. I consider my world akin to an atom. In my nucleus are protons, my inner circle of
trusted friends. These are the small
cadre of people in whom I place my deepest of trust, the ones I look to for
counseling and course corrections.
My atom grows into a molecule when
the nuclei of my close friends are drawn into close proximity. The protons of these other atoms are the
trusted friends of my trusted friends.
We share a common proton across nuclei.
The terms “Safe” percolated through
several prescient conversations. When
you know people respect you for you and want you close to them and you look to
each other for emotional enhancement and sometimes strength, encouragement
follows.
Further to the science these
positively charged confidants power the energy field that creates a layer of
separation (a degree if you like) from those who are friends or
acquaintances. I call this next layer
the electrons. They are the ones
attracted to the nucleus but are not one of the protons. This isn’t necessarily bad. Sometimes keeping distance between yourself
and others is the right thing for both parties.
Other times this distance is essential to maintaining a healthy level of
strength. Close personal friends impart
knowledge and may deliver an epiphany. As I’ve articulated in previous posts,
there is only so much of you and me to go around.
This only so much molecular weight
you can carry. This is partially a
function of time constraints. Investment
of time and energy in establishing and supporting these relationships vary but
they are important / essential elements to the nurturing process. You can’t be all things to all people. We need to be the utmost (“all that we can
be” to borrow a phrase) for ourselves foremost.
Only when we are strong and healing more than hurting, confident more
than doubting can we harness the offerings of our protons to solidify these
friendships.
If you hear a sucking sound when
you are with someone that’s your emotional energy being sapped – a free radical
to maintain the scientific discussion. I’ve
experienced this and now keep the valves tightly closed; providing the security
combination to a select few.
Shifting analogies, that’s not to
say I don’t sprinkle insights and counsel (for what they are worth) over a
broad swath of landscape. I till and
cultivate a small patch of friendship, fertilizing with words of encouragement
and compassion. Outside my little plot
it’s up to others to add nutrients to whatever seeds I spread to either water
and weed or allow them to lie fallow.
There should be a calm ebb and flow
of energy and support that leaves the reservoir of the participants fuller
afterwards. Investment yields results;
and I don’t mean investing time collecting without providing consideration in
return.
The culmination of the weekend left
me feeling wonderfully wanting of considerably more. I love reruns!
Love and hugs, Nikki DiCaro
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