Getting Out!!

Can you get lost in yourself?  Where is that secret place you go when you need privacy, reassurance and solace?  Don’t have a secret place?  Everyone does.  It’s where you hid your heart and soul while you struggled with the obstacle course of life.  Do you go there often?  I think we all retreat every so often.  Respites are good.  They can be energizing.

Your secret place should not be where you hide in plain sight.  You owe it to yourself to give yourself the opportunity to get out.  Practice makes, well, makes you better at whatever it is you want to do.  I don’t know anyone in our community who can mistress the complexities of femininity without teachable moments.  They abound; all you need do is open your eyes and observe.

Not all moments deliver positive reinforcement.  Some telegraph caution so be alert for the signs.  Even nuanced situations can provide an opportunity.  That much has been evident since I’ve been out in public more.  Attending events or doing the mundane – grocery shopping – you can hone the finer skills of womanhood.  This is where a slack wrist and tick tock hip sway as you walk will facilitate your ability to blend.

Did we talk about blending?  I’m not preaching homogeneity.  You can blend while maintaining individuality.  You don’t need to have your makeup or wardrobe scream “different”.  Why expose yourself to risk when there is no added benefit to such actions?

Maybe I’m wrong.  Maybe some of us need to stand out; to call attention; to beckon stares and under-the-breath comments.  From my perspective I feel enough discomfort; as if everyone knows about me.  Ever feel that way?  Self-consciousness can crank up the perspiration machine and begin to chip away at the courage that got you out the door and among the populace.

I am learning to beat back the urge to put pressure on myself.  All week I worried that going to the Wells Fargo Center for my first concert was going to be a disaster.  Someone would see through my femininity.  There’d be a confrontation and I’d be devastated.

Exactly the opposite occurred.  Once inside I enjoyed the surroundings.  Great emotional support was provided by my special lady and two very dear male friends who are a wonderful couple.  I did not imagine the evening would be so much fun; dancing in the aisle to the performances by the various acts.  Going to the ladies’ room without compunction and no longer fearing strolling the concourse among the other attendees.  There were probably ten thousand people there, mostly women of all shapes, sizes and ages.  If was fun absorbing the femininity and enjoying the mini-fashion show as it unfolded.

Practice certainly makes my continuing transition easier than I imagined.  That doesn’t mean I throw caution to the wind.  But it does portend more enjoyment as I select things to do that allow me to spread my new wings a little wider.

Thank you Sandy, John and Rich (a/k/a Ryan O’Neill) for sharing another amazing feminine experience with me.  Your love and support made Saturday extra-special!

Love and hugs, Nikki DiCaro