Fascination with Bumper Stickers

In the interest of disinterest I’m going to ask a few questions.  Hopefully members of my readership will assist with intellectual tidbits to provide enlightenment.

No doubt you’ve seen those yellow squares, turned to resemble a baseball diamond, proclaiming “Baby on Board”.  I’m fascinated by those hanging declaratories.  I’m sure there is a good reason for spending to announce.  Is the reason to inform in the event of an accident – or as the Californians say “A Crash”?  Or it such revelation meant to impact the driving habits of others not so fortunate?

If that is the case maybe we should fashion other of these signs; maybe different colors to reflect the variety of the community.  Here are a few suggestions.  The color options remain up for grabs.

“Lunatic on Board” White letters on black background.  That would be plum crazy.

“Firearm in the Glove Box” Steel gray background and gold lettering.  Definitely on target.

“Divorcee on Board” Red background with white letters, with or without dollar signs to indicate either fleecer or fleecee.  Probably better than posting a profile on a dating site.

“Nymphomaniac on Board” White background with candy apple red letters outlined in glitter.  Should include a telephone number.

“Escaped Felon on Board”  Black background, red letters over white prison bars.  Conceived as a running joke.

“Paroled Murderer on Board” A big red “Paroled” stamp as background.  Everybody deserves a second chance.

“Blow in the Trunk”  Snowy background with letters that resemble rolled up currency.  Sudden posse with red noses and bloodshot eyes.

“Wife beater on Board”  Black letters on a canvas shaped like a sleeveless tee shirt.  Inviting justifiable homicide.

Can you imagine the possibilities?  Look, people are proud to express themselves.  Count vehicles with no expressionism and I’ll bet the numbers are woefully low.  Then there are those who choose to paper every blank space on their rear bumper with pithy phrases that make one wonder.

I’ve seen what looked like bullet holes on the rear quarter panel.  Closer examination revealed magnetic replicas.  I’ve also seen sports paraphernalia imbedded in a rear window.

Okay I’ll admit I’m flummoxed by the excessive expressionism.  I don’t get the need to tell strangers our view on things that probably matter not to passersby.  Especially those who announce “My bully beat up your honor student”.  Yikes, limitless thoughtlessness.

Is there a business in developing a digital text crawler to sit on the rear windowsill that responds to voice commands.  If someone is tailgating you could tell the device to display “If you can read this you’re too close!”  The possibilities are endless.  Imagine having running communications with the driver in your rear view mirror?  Their responses could be displayed on the navigation system display screen.

Have a wonderful day reading all of the interesting pronouncements.  Try not to be mesmerized into a traffic calamity.

Love and hugs, Nikki DiCaro