Vicarious Living

Listening to the radio, hoping for music but sadly settling for people with faces for radio dishing the dirt of the rich and shameless.  By Friday I am ready for a respite from the daily grind of talking and talking and cogitating, more talking, picking up stray opinions and insights along the road to decisions that are both weighty and impactful.

As the work week winds down I yearn for music to take me away. Well thanks to those organizations that provide the funding for continuous programming, a/k/a advertisers, I am subjected to information I could do without – intelligence that isn’t so intelligent.

Ever wonder how you survived moment to moment without knowing the latest fling, relationship, breakup, pregnancy and any other sound byte about your most or least favorite personality?

We (generally, not you specifically honey) have an infatuation bordering on obsession with the lives of others.  An obsession with obsessions – possibly the bane of our existence.  I know, we can glean intelligence and insights from those in the media spotlight.  These include, not in order of significance or priority: i) fashion hints, what’s hot and what’s not; ii) makeup trends; iii) hair styles; iv) diet fads; and v) the latest star or starlet who lights up our imagination to pine over.

I get it, I really do.  Call it a “non-blond moment”.  When these interests turn into unhealthy distractions we need to be careful we don’t meander beyond the point when we lose focus on our lives and what we need to progress.

Time to wake up, shake off the fantasy.  Reality may be harsh but it’s yours.  Own it, guide it, direct it and most of all, enjoy it.  You can’t live vicariously through others, unless you are abdicating or checking out.

Hope to see you tomorrow at the Philadelphia Convention Center.  Have a wonderful weekend.

Love and hugs, Nikki DeCaro

Rightside up or Upside Down?

“Am I rightside up or upside down?  Is this real or am I dreaming?” Thank you Dave Matthews for starting this post with a probing query.

I’m feeling wonderful.  The feeling deepens and strengthens with each passing day.  I’ll admit I have down times; I’ve shared a few.  But they are not my anchor.  Temporary anti-ebullience serves a purpose.  I look back on the path I’ve traversed, cut and slashed through the underbrush of doubt and confusion.  My emotional machete dulls from time to time giving me pause to hone the edge to razor sharp.  Hopelessness has no chance against my resolve.  I take no prisoners when it comes to finding happiness.

Not impervious to setbacks I take them in stride.  Why?  Because they are inevitable.  Ignoring them will not eliminate them.  Instead they will become another skeleton in your closet.  There’s only so much room in there before you experience a “Dawn of the Dead” phenomenon. Dealing with small skeletons is easier than waiting for a mob of bone-clanking anarchists massing to unnerve me.

Up fills the cup

Down will drown

I refuse to frown

Pity parties not

Will resolve rot

On the vine

While I pine

For the day

When I can say

I have no problems?

When that day comes

I’ll be gone – to what end

Regret and incomplete my closest friends.

You may think I’m not a realist because of my fuchsia-colored glasses.  Rose-colored is so yesterday.  I’m definitely not a fatalist.  Maybe I require a new category.  I’ll get back to you on that.

Keep going; stopping only for respite and refreshment.  Come out and play.  Take my hand and walk with me down open roads and through thicket.  We’ll brave the tumult together undaunted.

Have a wonderful day.

Love and hugs, Nikki DeCaro

Midweek Euphoria

Middle of the week euphoria strikes when we least expect it.  How dare emotion turn the mundane to something exceptional!  Seize the opportunity.  Dance your way to the office.  Try a waltz step to the coffeemaker.  Give people an opportunity to smile and wonder what happy juice you’re drinking.

Not one to say and without doing, I swing to music, real or imagined, as I enter the office space and traverse the distance to my office.  Those fortunate enough to arrive early and experience my reverie smile and sometimes shake their head.  A few words mumbled and a knowing glance tells me they desperately want to ask about the elixir.

If that isn’t enough, my extracurricular activities make me a catalyst for encouragement.  Like a magnet my staff are drawn to my office for a pep talk.  I’m gratified by their faith in my depth of positivity.

I know, I have my moments of impertinence, petulance (well maybe that’s a stretch) and frustration.  Doesn’t everyone?  It’s not the downs but how you rebound that defines your persona. 

Bounce and flounce, use more than an ounce

Don’t allow frustration to trounce

The happiness waiting to bloom

Sweep away fear with a broom

Fill your cup

Crank the smiles up

You can work through

All of the gray, bring on the blue

Cloudless sky

Our emotions a mile high

Find a favorite tune and turn it up.  It will take you away from whatever cares want to anchor your spirit.

Get on with it now guys and girls.  You can’t resist the pull.  I’ll be around to remind you.  Smiles feel so much better than frowns.

Have a femmtastic, femmilicious, womanderful, girlie giggly day.

Love and hugs, Nikki DeCaro

Respecting Our Hosts and Hostesses

Summer oh sweet summer.  How I wish I could wear a sleeveless shift dress and sandals to work.  It’s too hot to be traipsing around in male business mode.  Summer is made for women and the female wardrobe.  Bare legs feeling the caress of gentle warm breezes, painted toes peeking playfully from the front of my wedge sandals.

Out with friends and en femme all weekend was fulfilling, gratifying and rewarding.  Making new friends and solidifying existing friendships always lifts my spirits.  Thank you my sister friends for supporting me.  I love you more than words can convey.

For two weeks consecutively I was presented with a dilemma that my cranial capacity struggled to absorb.  The sponge of gray matter may need a tune up.  Please read this carefully and heed these thoughts that come not from me but through me from others who are closer to matters of importance than your scribe.

Presentation makes or breaks people, places and things.  How we present not only impacts us, it impacts the group we represent and reflects directly on venues we frequent, their proprietors, their patrons and ultimately on our acceptance.

Yes I know all about First Amendment rights, freedom of expression and all those platitudes the founders chose to craft into the Constitution of The United States.  Factions believe they have the absolute right to express in any way they feel, regardless of the appropriateness of such form of expression.

Can we be oblivious to the sensitivities of others in our pursuit of free speech?  We’ve discussed battles and wars in the context of being technically right but realistically wrong.  You can’t think putting people at risk by making a spectacle of yourself is cool or welcome.

Family venues are expected to be wholesome and safe for children of all ages.  Would you bring your child(ren) to locales where clientele dress questionably?  Think of Disney World with ladies of the evening strolling through the streets giving new meaning to the term “Magic Kingdom”. You, your family and your children would find that repulsive, right? Respectability may be in the eye of the beholder.  We must heed such sensitivities even if it means we lengthen our skirt to acceptable heights (not mini-skirt level) and our neckline (above “open for business” plunge) to leave some things to the imagination.

Our money is green like everyone else’s.  Our dollars become more welcome when we blend in with the surroundings, not stand out or call attention to ourselves in negative ways.  I blanche, and so should you, when proprietors tell us we are not dressed appropriately for their establishment.  One such proprietor was particularly and rightfully incensed by scantily clad ladies who failed to read the clientele.  There’s a time and a place to dress suggestively.  That place is not in public where families gather.  At least one proprietor have been burned by callous and thoughtless expression of First Amendment rights.  That is one business owner too many.  Her dinner traffic is down precipitously and she is now struggling to make ends meet.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  Yes I’m quoting scripture because it’s appropriate.  If you were the shop owner and your livelihood was being jeopardized by improper actions, would you be sanguine and gladly sacrifice your financial security for a few strays who refused to think lucidly about how to present themselves in your establishment?

When a shop owner loses customers because of something untoward we do, that owner will be less welcoming and maybe hostile.  Oh and in case this is lost on you, their clientele will be tilted against us as well.  Still feeling self-righteous?

We cannot afford to upset the delicate balance because once tipped away from us there may be no amount of effort to encourage the scale to tip towards us. 

I respect shop owners who welcome us.  I will jealously protect those relationships and will screen my invitees.  If a member of our community invites you to partake with them at a venue they have cultivated and this member requests your dress and actions to fall within her defined limits, you need to heed her request or beg off.  She’s asking for all the right reasons.  You may not agree but if you value her friendship you will comply. We need to wholeheartedly agree that we will function as a monolithic unit in these matters otherwise we will not make progress towards universal acceptance.

There’s no negotiation or debate about this.  Yes I’m adamant.  I can be petulant about what I believe to be right.  I hope you will be part of the continuing solution.  It means the world to everyone in our community and it also legitimizes our claims for parity.

Let me know if you have thoughts you would like to discuss.

Love and hugs, Nikki DeCaro

Secret Handshakes and Decoder Rings

With the failure of the august national legislative body to renew the Patriot Act we can focus our attention on other exclusive clubs.  I’m not referring to the Patriot Act as a club.  I speak of the club into which citizens are elected and then called “Honorable”.  Is it honorable to step across the threshold of ordinary and into the stratosphere of national politics and then use pressure, stature, power and influence to self-deal?  Politicians rightly or wrongly are called hacks, influence peddlers and crooks.  Sometimes it’s not vindication to be proven correct.  Dennis Hastert’s alleged illegal actions don’t mean he’s in the minority – it means he was dumb enough to get caught.

Hastert joins the club with growing membership – a club into which he initiated himself.  I’m sure he wishes he could unspool and respool – don’t you hate it when people who think they are above the law are made low by revelations?  This isn’t about corrupt politicians.  I could write tomes about such shocking but not unexpected eventualities.  I’m writing about exclusive clubs that discriminate against those who do not fit conjured up subjective standards and require supermajority votes of likeminded members who hold secret meetings and cloister themselves in expensive enclaves.  Ego inflation – most definitely.

I’m not into clubs with subjective exclusionary rules.  I never joined a country club.  This club was all about money and keeping out the riff raff (remember the cartoon character from Underdog?).  It wasn’t the money, it was the plastic surgery required in order for my nose to be appropriately hoisted as if I was breathing rarified air.  I would think twice about joining any club that would have me as a member.

Organizations that measure your monetary appendage or are based upon popularity are not for me.  I get the need for rules and regulations and for moral, emotional and physical discipline.  Furthering a cause by marshaling similar-minded people should be applauded and welcomed. I also support organizations (a/k/a clubs) that cast a wide circle of benefits.

Clubs that promote “I’m better than you” are a waste of precious human capital.  I advocate for altruistic purposes.  There are plenty of people who need direction, acceptance and support.  Creating “vanity” clubs make me wonder if the coiner of the seven capital vices missed one.

Don’t read my commentary as feeling offended. Au contrare, I am amused by those who perch themselves on the alabaster-colored pedestal that is mostly hot air and illusion.

Do good one deed at a time.  Don’t look for accolades and don’t formulate a divider between yourself and others like you. Don't kid yourself, we are much more similar than dissimilar.  If you disagree, tell me whether you pull on your pantyhose over your head or do you gather them and insert one leg at a time.  Satisfaction should be your reward.  Nurturing others and paving the pathway for others to follow makes you a hero.  Secret handshakes, decoder rings, pens and pins don’t make you better than the next person.

The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.  Live long and prosper my friends and members of the club we call life.

Love and hugs, Nikki